wow, was i really this bad? ( old post reposted)

I feel so alone. I want to be loved by someone beautiful. I sit in the middle of a crowd, and still

I feel like I'm the only one there, watching everyone else walk by, hand in hand, making out

laughing with each other without a care in the world. I sit in my room and write, crying

occasionally thinking to myself, why can't I be like them, happy and carefree, with a girl in my

arms. I need someone to talk to, to tell all my secrets and jokes to. Someone that I can pour

affection and love on. Someone that could come to me with any problems and cry on my

shoulder, someone I could take out to the movies. If I ever talk to a girl they always say that

they like me, but, and there's always the "but", they have to find some excuse to push me away

from them into a "he's just a friend, never anything more" category. Have you ever felt like you

don't belong? No, of course not. Even if you have, it was never for long or as painful as what I go

through every hour of every day. If I died today, you would not come to my funeral.

Something more important would come up or you would have some excuse. Even if you did

come you would forget that I existed before the next week. I think that the only people that

care are certain family members and my real, true friends

I lay in my bed and think of YOU again, the one, the exception to the rule, to my life. You are always in my dreams, filling my head with a fantasy, a dream that can never happen. What can I do, sitting here wasting my time away? Are you just fucking with my head? How could someone like you, want someone like me?