this is ghey as fuck.

im at brandons using his peice of shit laptop, actually laptop is nice, internet is shit.
but yea i got a new truck, new to me that is.
a black s-10 thats automatic and no power steering, no cd player.
oh well i'll live for a while with just the radio and a few cassets that my mom gave me.
cayley came up the other day and hung out. idk i feel bad for everything that happened but i dont know what i want in life.
she wants me, i can feel it and see it in her eyes , but i dont think i can give her all of me, i want to live free and unchained like a wild beast, untethered and mobile. idk i guess im just a dirty slut and i like sex too much to just be with one person, im not trying to settle down soon, if ever. p.s. brandon is a queer.
i can't really be committed to anyone if my heart is with another either. i'm never going to get over her, i can see that. sometimes i wish i could, but sometimes its the only way i can tell that i'm still alive. pain drives me.
i just wish that scars faded faster.
wow i went from happy to depressed to just plain ol cynical. wtf yo.
brandon wants to drive his ass all the way to fuckin calera from Vallo to get a god damn ice cream cone, what is that shit about?
i fucking hate fakes, frauds, losers and pussies. if u cant man up and be real about shit then stay the fuck out of my way or i'll run your weak ass over.
fuck fuck fuckitty-fuck-fuck
i need to relax. Tabi, can i have some candy?

somone save me, if u can...

so yea here i am again, drifting alone on this empty sea of nothingness. yep single again, and this time i think i should stay that way. i've looked for love in so many places, so many different faces, but they all lead back to that One road that I'm scared to travel down, that dead end street that leads to nothing. Yet it looks so promising as i drive by slowly and pull into the drive, get out of the car and walk to the front door. Three sharp knocks. The door creaks open and there she is, beaming at me like christmas morning. and i walk inside, the house is empty, she is just my imagination playing tricks on me again. i sit alone on the couch and drown myself in my tears. then wake up and start again. "these scars remind me, of what we used to be, and what will never come again"

The road less traveled , they say is more difficult, yet it is the best road to take . because it take you somewhere with purpose in the end. well fuck this road. I'm tired of getting flats, the engine blowing up, my fucking car is falling apart, and i've been pulled over countless times for having no brake lights. I'm about to have to start walking this "less traveled road"

Will someone give me a ride?

I'm rambling incoherrently right now because i havent even seen a computer in months it feels like.
last night i had an extremely weak moment in my life and broke down crying in the shower, unable to stop.
then i decided to play some tic-tac-toe on my arm with a knife.
no no, dont be upset, I won the game?
yea i know, stupidity at its finest.
thats me. I tell all my friends these things, give them all this good advice on life, love and shit, but i cant take any of it for myself. I know im stupid ashley. i know this. i hate myself right now and i dont know how im going to pull through this one. my whole world is crashing around me and i dont know if i'll make it out of this one alive. I love you all and i miss you guys, my true friends.
No, I'm not going to kill myself. I'm not that far gone.
even though I'm already dying inside.
keep texting and calling me (after nine please) and Imming me on yahoo.its all that i really have to keep me sane.
peace
love
you know the rest
~TriggleStick~