Fuck. You.

I really wish you were here, wish that I didn't do certain things.

But on the other hand I think of how incredibly fucked I would have been if I had only stayed home, where I know things and people. 

Here I'm just a redneck out of place in a sea of new faces with no one to turn to and nowhere to find safe haven.

I ran away thinking I was so smart and that the plan was so perfect and well thought out.

Then literally everything went to shit. went from standing proud on top of the world to hiding down in the gutter, ashamed and cold, afraid to show my face. You finally broke me down below your level.

You stupid fuck. 

You wonder why people say you should work on your drinking and slow down. But now I hope you can see just how much it's killing you and your family. Not that it will change you .

Maybe they'll wise up and leave you high and dry back to dear ol' Daddy's house. 

and you say I'm a mooch. I'll have you know I slept in my car for two weeks rather than come back and ask you for a god damn thing. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. 

I've wasted 8 years now on our friendship. You continually spat in my face and said all the while " look how much I've done for you" . Fuck You.

Help yourself , you clearly need it more than I. 

I'm homeless but at least I'm stable and at least fairly content with my situation. 

You have a lovely arrangement of nice things, a decent job, hot girl that lets you fuck her which I still can't grasp. Yet you treat her like shit and can't conform to the ideas of being open to anything at all that doesn't fit your exact criteria . I think she should leave you. She's stupid if she stays I think. But I'm entitled to my own opinion. I don't think she's stupid otherwise just to clarify. Not like anyone is even gonna read this unless I link them. 

anyway. . .


update.
12/17/16/
saw you in the parking lot. would have probably jumped in if you weren't in the car tbh. she's yelling my name out the window like I'm gonna turn around or something, I just kept walking right out of the parking lot where you never even turned around. Which is exactly why I kept walking 5 miles in the opposite direction of you.
Then I'm having lunch with a friend and " hey since it's the holidays, you ought to join us for dinner?"
:| really nigga...
why would I want to?
can't even try communicate for 4 months then we're just supposed to be back cool ? " didn't think you wanted to hear from me" no shit. I don't .