i wish i could hate you.

i love you so hard right now i wish i could end this,
wish i was strong enough to see what's really going on,
but all i see is you, a perfect angel,
i've fallen, i'm fallin' fallin apart for you,
im driven, being driven over the edge,
but this time, i don't even mind,
i'm just going to fly....
into the abyss.
i wish i could hate you as much as ,
you don't love me,
wish i could dislike you ,
when you walk over me,
but i lay here as your welcome mat,
jump up and down, i won't mind that,
throw me around like your little rag doll.
i can't promise i'll get up from this fall...

this is how it really is.

" You wanna believe the most dumbest of lies even though deep down you know its all a scheme because you love them so much.you just don't wanna lose them.so you go along with the lie as long as you don't see it first hand.but really you're only just making it harder on yourself because you get deeper and deeper and when you do see the truth up front and you cant deny the lies anymore.its gonna hurt even worse
Because then you're soo in deep you'll be confronted and not care and continually be willingly played for a fool or.you'll deal with a break up...that'll shatter you as well.and deal with the fact of "Damn I fuckin knew,,,,Why didn't I just find the strength to fuckin leave?" "

gone. far.away

slide a barrel in my throat, pull the trigger nice and slow,
enter into another parallel universe, with no headlights,
tripping late into the night, yet all i want to do is fight,
it's not going to end up alright, tonight is the last night.
stand up, take another shot, c'mon be a man,
hold steady, mountain dew ready, i'll even hold your hand.
take it all, dont be a bitch, chase it fast,
drink it all and make yourself numb again,
you'll never remember my name after tomorrow.

i wish...

i wish things could be the same,
wish i could tell you things, in person,
that i can tell you on here with such ease,
wish you would hold me again, acknowledge my presence,
i was there, but i felt all alone,
smoke til you choke,
drink so you won't think,
about anything til tomorrow,
is it real, is it real,
i can't even feel, you right beside me.
i want to die.

BOB SAGET!!!! ASS ASS ASSS!!!!!

PORN- it's cheaper than dating! ;)

god i feel like shit now.

i feel like im being Her now. checking Her blog, watching her youtube. missing Her voice. i feel sick to my stomach, im getting hot all over like a fever you can't sweat out.
I'm crying again. no one sees this side of me anymore.
I thought she was gone, not caring about me.
sometimes i think it'd be better if she stayed there.
i need to live. i feel dead inside though
.
that period shoulda been with the scentance
i suck at spelling and idc right now.
i wish i was near her right now. not with. near.
cuz i don't think i could show my face around her. but i would like to see her
like in beauty and the beast, the mirror?
yea i just want to see if she is really happy.
i want to die as of yesterday.
im getting kicked out but all i feel like is -shrug- i dont feel.

"keep the blood in your head, keep your feet on the ground"

i love this song. there are just a handful of people who will know it just from that line. i kinda miss her. but i can't tell her these things.
kinda sucks don'it?
the song is practically blaring through my headphones now. dude i didn't know u could do spell check on the blogger lol. i thought it was just in like word or something.
anyway. i Was planning on moving to Dothan AL.
now i have decided to move into my Grandma's house in Calera AL. i am really excited because I'm VERY positive that I'll get the job at walmart, all I'm waiting on is my drug screen and bg check to come back. then I should be starting this Monday. I really hope that everything will work out
at the same time though, i want to lay down and die.
I don't feel anything, im tired, i feel alone and empty.
I want to cry so hard that i just float away in my tears.
I hurt too many people and now it hurts me to think about it.
I have 2 cigarettes left, and it's only 11:43 am.
i have zero dollars.
and ima have this delilah song stuck in my head all day. FUCK
god
i still miss her.
I know it's wrong, but it's never gonna end. grrr

great now I'm crying again. fuck this all of it.

i need some nice heavy metal thrash type sound to rip my ears off for a while. gah. a few people called last night but i didnt even want to talk to anyone. GOD FUCK SHIT BOBSAGET!
I wish i could go back in time . but then if i did, nothing would be as it is.
i dont know what i wish or want or need anymore. i thought that getting a job would make me so happy, and it did, for like 5 minutes. i finally got my liscense and that made me excited for almost a day. but no car means i cant go anywhere at all really. and why am i spending so much time with brandon you people ask? because he is still a very good friend of mine and is fun to hang with and easy to talk to and he actually helps me with my problems and listens, and i try to help him through his issues and problems. so if u wanna talk shit, do it somewhere else.

=]
~TriggleStick~

blah . mornings are decent sometimes.

I'm going to do something today, but the last time i posted a blog about it , it didn't work out so well for me. so now i will just wait til it is over to talk about it on here.
I need a haircut kinda alot. I love my contacts but they hate my eyes, they won't go fucking in there@@! Anyway , I got the new Dark Knight soundtrack, courtesy of Walmart. It is awesome. u should totally steal it like i did, errr go buy it.
I don't steal.
Stealing is for losers HA! ok ima loser. but you can't be a stupid loser or you will be like i did and end up in jail, which sucks. trust me .
If you are going to break in somewhere, here are some things NEVER to do:
1 . DON'T break in during the day, theres this thing called the SUN and it gives off light and makes people able to see you.
2 . DO wear dark clothing and gloves. Fingerprints are a great find for the cops.
3 . DON'T leave shit looking a mess, kinda know what you're going for before you go so that you can get IT, get in and GTFO.
4. OMG make SURE that NO one is home. GOD it REALLY REALLY sucks to hop through a window and have someone walk inside saying "i thought i saw something move in here" so you have to dive back out the window and hop across three diffrent fences into your own backyard, change clothes and lay panting in your bed, wondering if they saw you or not.
I think that's pretty much it, if anyone thinks of anything, leave it in a comment and i will add it HAHAHAHA
~TriggleStick~

i feel diffrent.

am i floating alone in this world? I see three distinct figures on the shore, all offering their hands to me, but i shake my head and float on, drifting into the sea of uncertainty . i miss the feel of being happy, i was happy a few times, but is it worth being happy for maybe a few days out of a month or two, cuz thats all it really lasted. i wanted it to go on but it just didnt work. and old faces reappear unexpectedly. of course i miss you, but why now? god this life is too hard to live sometimes. why so serious? let's put a smile on your face...